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Regularly referred to in the media as "Australia's Richard Branson", Pete Wililams is a serial entrepreneur, author, internet marketer and ego maniac. This blog is where he shares his rants and raves on all things business, marketing & publicity - in particular, how to successfully mix internet marketing & business...

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Archive: Humour

Paid Search 101 - THE RAP. [video of the week]

I’m not sure how to introduce this video… It’s a very cool rap about PPC Internet Marketing.

Here are the Lyrics… (more…)

Customers vs Prospects

Here’s a joke.. It’s an oldie but a goodie…

“A guy dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter says: ‘Although you qualify for heaven, I’ll give you the option of staying here or going to hell. I’ll even let you spend a day in each place before you decide.”

So the dead man spends the first day in heaven, which is quiet and relaxed.

On Day Two, one of Satan’s sales reps shows the guy around hell – where everyone’s partying like it’s 1999.

On the third day the dead guy informs Saint Peter: ‘As much as I always wanted to go to heaven, the folks in hell really know how to have a great time. I’d rather spend eternity there.’

“Immediately, Satan’s sales rep reappears and escorts the guy to hell, where he’s shackled to a stone wall.’Here’s your new home!’ the man is told. ‘But wait! You can’t do this!” the guy yells. “I was here just yesterday, and everyone was having a wonderful time. What’s going on?’

“Satan’s sales rep says: ‘Yesterday you were a prospect …

Today you’re a customer!

How’s My Blue Steel ???

Zoolander I’ll keep this short…

See, somehow I’ve wound up as a wildcard in the 2008 Cleo Bachelor Of The Year Awards and need you help (I can’t believe I am actually asking this)

It started out as “a joke” to me, but now I find myself in the top 10 and my competitive juices have kicked in… So if you can please spare 11 seconds, give yourself a giggle and vote for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Here’s the link: http://cleobachelors.com.au

I know this is very very shallow, completely pointless and somewhat humiliating but it is kinda fun too.

Thanks again…

Pete

p.s Don’t be afraid to vote three times while you are there… I need all the help I can get.

p.p.s. For those of you who know Ed Dale… I need your help… See, Ed has the ‘pink thong extravaganza’ over Dan Raine… He now has this over me… Any ideas on how Dan and I can get one up on Ed ?

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A Funny Read…

nullOne of my business partners Adam (the one pointing in the post below) just sent me this…You may have heard about this on the news recently, causing a bit of uproar. Some girl posted this on craigslist and expected legitimate answers. The second post is one of the replies she got…

“I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

* Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics: bars, restaurants, gyms.

* What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings.

* Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

* Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain Jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

* Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

* How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

The reply…

nullI read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Loyal, Hardworking and Drunk Employee….

On the weekend we took some of the team from Infiniti Telecommunications to Derby Day - Which is part of the spring racing carnival here in Melbourne.

As the day wore on, and our pockets became emptier and emptier due to poor tips from Fleur’s dad (we all imagined ex-bookies would be a good source) and the beer from the marquee also become emptier and emptier…

We were graced with this little number from one of the team in his drunken (and loving) state….

Cheers,

Pete

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